Funny Quotes

• "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackss, and I'm just the one to do it."
  By: ^Unknown
  Funny Quotes
• "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese"
  By: ^Charles De Gaulle
  Funny Quotes
• "When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results."
  By: ^Calvin Coolidge
  Funny Quotes
• "They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
  By: ^Pratt & Whitney
  Funny Quotes
• "Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts."
  By: ^Ruth Gordon
  Funny Quotes
• "Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide."
  By: ^Woodrow Wilson
  Funny Quotes
• "Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, Look, it's always gonna be me!"
  By: ^Rita Rudner
  Funny Quotes
• "Never use while sleeping."
  By: ^Instruction on Conair hair dryer
  Funny Quotes
• "Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much."
  By: ^G.K. Chesterton
  Funny Quotes
• "Never thrust your sickle into another's corn."
  By: ^Publius Syrus
  Funny Quotes
• "Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words large or size with rear end. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me."
  By: ^Tim Allen
  Funny Quotes
• "Never say Oops in the operating room."
  By: ^Dr. Leo Troy
  Funny Quotes
• "Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial."
  By: ^Mayflower Madam
  Funny Quotes
• "Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something bigger and heavier. -Anonymous Never accept a drink from a urologist."
  By: ^Erma Bombeck
  Funny Quotes
• "Put it back in the horse!"
  By: ^H. Allen Smith
  Funny Quotes
• "My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time."
  By: ^Unknown
  Funny Quotes