Funny Quotes

• "There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."
  By: ^Steven Wright
  Funny Quotes
• "Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories."
  By: ^Steven Wright
  Funny Quotes
• "I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, The whole time."
  By: ^Steven Wright
  Funny Quotes
• "My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know? I said, No. She said, Okay, then forget it."
  By: ^Steven Wright
  Funny Quotes
• "I'm taking Lamaze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing."
  By: ^Steven Wright
  Funny Quotes
• "I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter."
  By: ^Steven Wright
  Funny Quotes
• "My school colors were clear."
  By: ^Steven Wright
  Funny Quotes
• "The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink cow milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!? - Bill Watterson"
  By: ^‘Calvin & Hobbes’
  Funny Quotes
• "I am a deeply superficial person."
  By: ^ Andy Warhol
  Funny Quotes
• "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."
  By: ^Tom Waits
  Funny Quotes
• "Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life."
  By: ^Tom Waits
  Funny Quotes
• "Suppose you were an idiot....And suppose you were a member of Congress....But I repeat myself."
  By: ^Mark Twain
  Funny Quotes
• "In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time."
  By: ^Edward P. Tryon
  Funny Quotes
• "After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, No hablo ingles."
  By: ^ Ronnie Shakes
  Funny Quotes
• "One more drink and I'd be under the host."
  By: ^Dorothy Parker
  Funny Quotes
• "The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words."
  By: ^National Review
  Funny Quotes